November: Day 9: Teaching 2: Venerable Matrona

November: Day 9: Teaching 2:
Venerable Matrona
 
(Against the Cruel Treatment of Husbands Towards Their Wives)

By Archpriest Grigory Dyachenko

I. The Venerable Matrona, who is now commemorated by the Church, lived in the 5th century and was originally from Persia. While still young, her parents gave her in marriage to a nobleman named Dometian. Matrona was distinguished by her piety and led a strict way of life, although she lived in the world. Her husband Dometian did not like this and he began to hinder her at first with reprimands, abuse, and then even beat her. Then Matrona retired to the male Monastery of Venerable Bassian in Constantinople, hoping in this way to more reliably hide from the search by her husband and relatives: she entered the number of the brothers with the name of Babylas.

For some time, the Venerable Matrona lived in the monastery quietly, spending her time in labor and prayer and withdrawing from everyone. But when it was discovered that she was a woman, the Venerable One was forced to leave the monastery.

Meanwhile, Dometian searched everywhere for his wife and went to various cities, villages and monasteries. Having learned that Matrona was in the Monastery of the Venerable Bassian, he began to demand that the monks give her to him. The monks replied that the woman who lived under the name of Babylas had already left the monastery; Matrona went to a monastery in Emesa, where she settled for some time. But Dometian soon learned of her whereabouts and decided to summon her by cunning. He sent to tell Matrona that a certain man, having heard from everyone about her virtuous life, had come from afar to bow down to her and receive a blessing. Matrona asked the messengers about the appearance of this man and from the description she learned that it was Dometian. Then she first withdrew to Jerusalem, but Dometian hurried after her; then she crossed over to Sinai and finally settled in the city of Berytus, where her husband no longer pursued her, seeing failure in his search.

Matrona spent the last years of her life peacefully in Constantinople. Having received from God the gift of miraculous healings, she used it for the benefit of the suffering and brought relief to many. She died in 492, having lived in monasticism for 75 years and being 100 years old.

II. On the day of commemoration of Saint Matrona, who suffered much from her husband during her pious life, I have to tell you, my friends, a few words about the attitude of husbands towards wives.

a) It is not unknown to you how good spouses live and how they treat each other. A good husband lives in peace and harmony with his wife, loves and respects his wife, treats her as his only life partner, as a true mistress of the house and a good mother. Between husband and wife everything is common: joys and sorrows, rest and work. A good husband not only does not insult his wife with reproaches or abuse, and even less with beatings, but does not tolerate an offense inflicted on his wife by anyone in the family or by anyone outside, but will stand up for her as for a father and mother, as for his own child. The wife loves, honors and respects such a husband as the head of the family, as an irreplaceable protector and patron of the native family nest. Happy are such spouses! Happy is the husband, the master of the family; the wife, the mistress of the house, is happy; their children are happy; God's blessing visibly rests on such a family.

b) But do we have many such happy marriages, such kind, blessed families? Many married women more than once recall with joy their life as girls, in the house of their fathers and mothers, and with heavy sadness speak of their married life, and adjure others not to marry. Why is this so? Is it not because husbands treat their wives not as God-given companions of their lives, not as the Lord commanded husbands to treat their wives? And indeed, many husbands very often forget the commandment of the Lord, given to them through the Apostle: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25), and sometimes treat their wives even worse than their hired workers. Therefore, the life of some wives with their husbands is much worse than the life of servants with good and even bad masters. A servant with a bad master can at least ask for a dismissal at any time and leave his place, but a wife cannot do even this: she must forever remain a victim of her husband's rude treatment and even beatings - an unresponsive sufferer.

c) In justification of their unfair and even cruel treatment of their wives, husbands usually say this: "There is no other way to treat unkind wives; such wives should be taught reason and wisdom only in this way." But if the wife really turns out to be unkind: dissolute, a drunkard, not caring about her family, then the Christian husband should look at her with pity and compassion, and in any case not teach her by beatings. Most often, it happens that the wife whom the husband considers unkind is in fact far from being so: she is devoted to her husband more than to anyone else, she sincerely grieves over the illness or some failure of her husband. She keeps her husband's house in order and tidiness. She looks after the small children, feeds them and looks after them, not getting enough sleep at night. She teaches the children to pray to God and takes them to church. She visits the temple of God more often than her husband on Sundays and feasts, with all her numerous household chores in the morning. And can a husband consider such a wife unkind, scolding her, and sometimes even beating her, because at times, in poverty and family shortcomings, she urges her husband to work, warns him against excessive drinking, and sometimes says a kind and truthful, albeit bitter, word to him?

Let us suppose that another wife, according to her husband, is unkind. But who is to blame for this, if not the husband himself, who is considered the head of the family, the master of the house, endowed by God with a stronger mind and a firm will and authorized with greater authority in the family? The wife is not kind... Why does not the husband teach her to be kind? You will say: yes, the husband teaches her with abuse and beatings. In vain, I say. The husband abuses and beats his wife, probably, not with the thought of correcting her, but with the desire only to vent his anger on her - to satisfy his anger. Note, moreover, that good can never be done by evil; nor will the husband make his wife a kind, well-disposed, sincerely loving spouse, if he teaches her with abuse and beatings; she will be afraid of her husband, but not love him; she will be a downtrodden servant to her husband, but not a good, sincere wife. (eee the Instructions of Archpriest Trotsky).

III. So, if husbands sincerely want to correct their wives who require correction in some way, if they want to see their wives good, and at the same time have peace and prosperity in their families, then, having corrected themselves first of all, they should be more indulgent and affectionate towards their wives, love them with a sincere, pure, Christian love, vividly taking to heart the great words of the glorious Apostle of Christ Paul: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies: for he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:25, 28).

Source: A Complete Annual Cycle of Short Teachings, Composed for Each Day of the Year. Translated by John Sanidopoulos.